Hey :)
This staying in the house thing for what seems like forever isn't what I was hoping for during the holidays.Yes, my house is a place to relax but i wanna go out! And not just the casual movie, lunch, lepak kind. I want the extreme kind! like intense bowling, pool, wall climbing etc. You get my drift~
My blog needs more excitement too! or maybe I just don't wanna stay at home.. thinking about stuff. Its really not easy when you're a person in a house who thinks too much. Seriously, I'm not in good shape now. Its nothing big. Alot is going through my mind. It happens once in awhile. I want to solve all of this but its not easy. Life of a teenager, huh? I want to open up to loads of people but sometimes some things sound crazy to them eventhough it sounds perfectly logical to you. This questions, statements coming to me every now and then.
"Can they take it?"
"It will change when you tell them. You know that."
"People will look at you in a different way."
"Running away is worst than living the truth."
"Shouldn't i depend on myself more than them?"
"Stop being so weak!"
"Don't bottle things up."
"You may not feel it but they love you. They might not show it, but they love you unconditionally. Whether they have talked about that girl and her flaws.. not knowing you have a secret of your own. It okay.. to be scared."
"Be strong, love. Be there for them when they need you."
"Do they really know me?"
"I don't wanna be that kind of person. I wanna be a nice person. An independent, confident person. Not a quiet one. I wanna care more. I wanna show it. And not have this poker face.. its showing all the wrong emotions"
Whoah. Thats deep. But it's nice to know I can let some of it out here :).But this might scare you guys a lil. I'll make one thing clear. It is nothing big. Seriously. I have a tendency to exaggerate, I know it but those are the simplest words I can find now. I normally won't publish this post. But its no harm done. I know you guys won't judge me. That's how lucky i am. I am very grateful. Whether it's God or myself who earn this kind of friends. I am very lucky. I have alot of flaws I know. Noone is perfect. Hell I'm far from it. I can tell you one thing. I dont look down on myself. I actually look up to myself alot. Haha might sound abit ... but whatever as long as I'm optimistic. Its complicated la. But thats what makes it thrilling :D Like for example, I know a whole lot of you hate this emotional post and so do I but I'm still putting it up. And now, I feel like you think I just want to be pitied. I don't, okay! Don't ever give me your cheap symphathy unless you really mean it. I feel soo much better already. Funny, huh?
Gtg.
caos.